drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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