Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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