We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
