Screwed.edu
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
