I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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