I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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