ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Every concussion has its silver lining
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
