She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i believe in u and ur pee
I am mentally ready for anal.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
