You just made me feel so damn special
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize