found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
