SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
