Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
