I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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