So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
