i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
