I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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