after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
