your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
