he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
