he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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