my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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