I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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