probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize