once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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