There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
