I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
