Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
