hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
