Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think my vagina is haunted
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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