6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
