my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
