so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
