Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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