ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
