I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
