I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
high people should be assigned attendants
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
