I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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