I want to make a zoo with you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
