I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
