I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
