did you get engaged???
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
