My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
