The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
