You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
