No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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