Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
