weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
