dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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