she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
