Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
