just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
