Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
