She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's shark week go big or go home
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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