I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Help. Why am I so naked?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
